We had it.
For three glorious days, we had it.
The sun came out. The snow melted just enough to reveal last fall’s forgotten lawn decorations. Someone down the street wore shorts. Windows were cracked open. Birds were chirping like they’d already updated their calendar apps.
It was False Spring.
And now?
We’re back to wind chills that feel personal. Snowflakes drifting sideways. That familiar gray sky that looks like it hasn’t slept since November.
Michigan, my friends, is tired.
We are winter-weary. We are salt-stained. We are emotionally fragile every time we hear the word “accumulation.”
But instead of spiraling into seasonal despair, let’s cope the only way we know how: with humor and mild denial.
Here are a few ways to survive while we wait for actual spring to show up and mean it.
1. Revisit False Spring Like It Was a Vacation
Scroll through your camera roll and admire those three sunny days like they were a tropical getaway.
“Oh yes, that was the afternoon I stood outside without a coat.”
“That was the day I thought about putting away the snow brush.”
Let yourself remember what warmth feels like. Then gently close the blinds and return to your blanket.
2. Stage a Rebellion Against Your Winter Coat
Stop hanging it neatly.
Drape it dramatically over a chair. Throw it on the couch. Let it know you are emotionally unavailable.
You didn’t sign up for this long-term relationship.
3. Light Every Candle You Own and Pretend It’s July
Sure, it smells like “Coastal Breeze” and “Sun-Kissed Linen,” but outside it looks like Antarctica.
Doesn’t matter.
Close your eyes. Sit near the candle. Whisper “beach” until you almost believe it.
4. Overreact to the Weather App
Open your weather app every hour and act shocked.
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN 24 DEGREES AGAIN?!”
As if it hasn’t been 24 degrees since Thanksgiving.
It won’t change anything — but it does give you something to yell at.
5. Start Planning Ridiculous Summer Activities
When winter drags on, the only rational response is to plan aggressively.
Research patio furniture you don’t need.
Look up campgrounds that are currently buried under three feet of snow.
Bookmark ice cream shops like you’re preparing for a dessert emergency.
Hope is a powerful coping mechanism.
6. Make Snow Personal
Talk to it.
“Oh, you’re back again?”
“Wow. So original.”
“Didn’t we just do this?”
Sarcasm is free therapy.
7. Embrace the Drama
Walk outside dramatically. Squint into the wind like you’re starring in a survival documentary.
Narrate your journey to the mailbox:
“Day 97… Supplies are low… The frostbite advances.”
If we can’t have warmth, we can at least have theatrics.
8. Blame False Spring for Everything
Stub your toe? False Spring’s fault.
Missed a meeting? Emotional damage from False Spring.
Bought flower seeds too early? Classic False Spring manipulation.
We trusted it. That’s on us.
9. Lower the Bar for Joy
The sun peeked out for seven minutes? Incredible.
The driveway melted slightly? Miraculous.
The car started on the first try? Frame the moment.
At this point, we celebrate anything that isn’t sleet.
10. Remember This Happens Every Year (And We Survive)
Here’s the thing about Michigan winter: it overstays its welcome. Every time.
But eventually, inevitably, the sun wins. The snow melts. The birds stop fake-texting us and actually stick around.
Spring doesn’t arrive gently here. It kicks the door open one random Tuesday and says, “Surprise. It’s 62 degrees.”
And when that day comes, we’ll forget how tired we were. We’ll stand outside in hoodies. We’ll grill something unnecessarily. We’ll say, “See? It wasn’t that bad.”
It was that bad.
But we survived it anyway.
So hang in there. Keep the humor. Keep the sarcasm. Keep the candles lit.
Spring is coming.
Probably.
.
