The sun was hot. The air smelled of lake water and grilled meats. It was the kind of summer that makes a man want to jump in a river or quit his job to sell cold lemonade on a roadside corner.
But summer is slipping. Like sand in a cracked pail. If you blink, it’ll be pumpkin spice season and people will wear flannel like they’re headed to chop wood, even though they live in a condo with radiant floor heating.
Before that tragedy unfolds, there are things you must do. Not just the usual things. Not beach. Not burgers. Not swatting mosquitoes like you’re trying out for Olympic fencing. No. This is a list of unique things to try before the last of the cicadas sing their goodbye tune.
1. Have a Garage Sale Where You Sell Things You Just Bought
Host a garage sale and only sell things you impulsively purchased in June. That inflatable swan you used once. The ukulele you swore you’d learn. The countertop snow cone maker that now serves as a storage bin for your unpaid electric bills.
Put a sign out front: “Barely Regret These Items.”
Watch the neighbors circle like buzzards. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll make $42 and feel like a minimalist monk.
2. Try Extreme Hammocking
Anyone can relax in a hammock. You’re not anyone. You’re someone with ambition and questionable judgment. Try hanging your hammock in an unusual spot — across two paddleboards, between moving trucks, or 12 feet high in a tree like a squirrel on vacation.
Don’t fall. Wear a helmet. Have someone film it. Go viral or go home.
3. Attend a Festival for Something Ridiculously Specific
Forget music festivals. Find the International Rutabaga Days. Or the Annual Chicken Dance-Off in some town you can’t pronounce. Bonus points if the festival involves a queen being crowned for their pickle jar balancing skills.
You’ll eat something fried that shouldn’t be fried, win a ribbon for a pie you bought at Costco, and come home with a t-shirt that reads: “Proud to Be Here. Confused, but Proud.”
4. Do a Backyard “Camping” Trip Without Going Inside Once
This sounds easy. It’s not. The challenge: camp in your backyard for one night without stepping inside the house. No bathroom breaks. No quick trips for snacks. No scrolling on the toilet.
By 2 a.m., you’ll be bartering with a raccoon for a granola bar. Victory tastes like bug spray and marshmallows you dropped in the dirt but ate anyway.
5. Invent a Lawn Game That Makes No Sense
Summer is for games, and logic is optional. Take two plungers, a frisbee, and a sack of potatoes. Make rules. Change them every 5 minutes. Call it “Plunger Ball.”
Then act very serious about it. Post scores. Have a trophy. Challenge your cousin who takes everything too seriously. Make him cry.
6. Have a Picnic in the Most Inconvenient Spot Possible
A traditional picnic is boring. Everyone expects grass, ants, and awkward sunburns.
Instead, go for:
– The roof of your car (parked, please)
– A canoe (floating, not sinking)
– A department store furniture display (pretend it’s a demo)
– Your neighbor’s trampoline (warning: grapes bounce)
Bonus points if you spill wine and call it “an immersive art experience.”
7. Create a Summer Bucket List That’s Already Too Late
Write out a dramatic bucket list. Stuff like “learn to speak fluent dolphin” or “train for the Summer Olympics.” Cross off nothing. Tape it to the fridge. Say, “Next year for sure,” with the optimism of a squirrel planning for winter.
8. Host a Slip ‘N Slide Cocktail Hour
Turn your front yard into a combination of wet chaos and classy cocktails. Everyone wears swimwear and sips martinis. But also: they launch themselves down a 30-foot Slip ‘N Slide like dignified penguins on holiday.
It’s elegance. It’s madness. It’s what summer dreams are made of.
Final Word Before the Fall Creeps In
Summer is not a season. It’s a dare. It asks: “Will you do something you’ll regret just a little but remember forever?”
Say yes. Say it loudly. With sunscreen in your eyes and popsicle juice on your shirt.
Because before long, you’ll be raking leaves, and the inflatable swan will be in the garage — judging you.
